39 Weeks and 67 Hours | My Pregnancy Journey and Birth Story

39 WEEKS

"Nah, I can't be pregnant, I'm pms-ing right now," is what I said around the time my period should come. I'm somewhat a regular, so I always know when it's coming.

And then a week passed, no blood in sight.

My husband and I decided to try that month, 4 months after we got married. But it was more like if it happens it happens, if it's not, that's fine too. We didn't follow any calendar or schedule it according to my cycle. No tactic, nothing. The only thing I did (other than the deed obviously) was taking 400mcg of folic acid daily.

However, that week I stopped taking them.

So stupidly I thought, why wasting them pills knowing I'm gonna get my period soon (so stupid because I don't have to stop taking folic acid just because I get my period). That's how sure I was that my period is coming. How could I not, I had all my usual pms; tender breast, lower belly cramp, and extreme moodiness. 

Nobody told me those could also be the signs of early pregnancy.

On March 11th, being one week late, I casually asked my husband to stop by a pharmacy to get a pregnancy test strip--the cheap kind. Just for fun. I have never done a pregnancy test before, and now I have a reason to try, why not?

One pee later, the strip showed two lines. I was pregnant. 

Counting from the first day of my last period, I was 5 weeks pregnant.

I remember feeling overwhelmed, my hands were shaking. Tho we were trying, when it actually happened, I couldn't help but doubt myself. My first thought was: is this for real? Am I ready?

Only after I did the ultrasound and my obgyn (who happens to be my aunt, shout out!) confirmed my pregnancy, it finally dawned on me; we're having a baby. Alhamdulillah.

What's even more Alhamdulillah for me was how smooth the pregnancy went. I had what us Indonesian called 'hamil kebo'. No nausea, no throwing up (not even once!). The only issue I had was when I did a blood test at 12 weeks, it showed that I'm anemic. I've been suspecting that, but never really paid attention to it. Lesson learned, preggers, do your blood test and maybe better do it sooner than 12 weeks.

So yeah, due to my low Hb and ferritin, I had to get IV iron at the hospital, and started taking maltofer twice a day.

Other than that, my pregnancy was smooth sailing. I was considered pretty active during my pregnancy. Still playing badminton until I was about 4/5 months pregnant (lightly, not jumping around), I went swimming, went to the beach, did some yoga, and (this might sound crazy) hiked a mountain.

Believe it or not, I think it was a craving. I didn't experience food cravings much, but my God, the need for me to hike Mount Abang was intense. At 23 weeks pregnant, I arranged the trip with my group of friends. None of us have hiked that mountain before. But I watched all youtube vlog videos of this mountain, and I was confident because the hike seemed very doable. Apparently, they just didn't record the extreme trail (extreme to me, I'm a noob). I bet because it was hard to set up the camera. So what I thought would be a 4-6 hour long hike up and down, turned into a solid 10 hour.

PSA: do not hike a mountain or do any intense exercise without your obgyn approval. I got mine, so all good.

I'm glad I did the hike tho, despite the snarky comments I got from some people afterwards. That hike changed my mentality regarding this life changing journey I was about to embark. I used to get so anxious, especially at night. About the pregnancy, about the labor, about motherhood. So many what ifs, so many doubts. But then on that mountain that day I learned, one step at a time will get you where you need to be.

The hike up was hard, but nothing compared to the way back. Looking down at the rocky steep trail, I remember thinking 'shit, what did I get myself into'. I can't cry, it won't get me anywhere. Complaining will only tire me even more. I have no choice but to walk, even if I have to be on my butt sliding down the trail, I have to do it. And I did. Took me 5-6 hours to climb down that mountain, but I did it. Every time I got overwhelmed by how far more I needed to walk, I looked back and saw how far I've come. It gave me a sense of pride and relief. I decided to stop thinking how far the end is, but to keep walking.

You know what else I learned that day? To trust and rely on my partner. He was so patient, he kept me close, and supporting me physically as well as mentally. I knew he's a supportive partner (why would I marry him if he's not), but that hike showed a whole other level of support. Not only that he made it easier for me, he made it enjoyable. Exactly what I need with having a baby. It gave me confidence that whatever is gonna happen, I will be fine with him by my side.

And now that I have given birth to our first born, I wasn't wrong. He is and will always be my biggest supporter.

67 HOURS

My pregnancy was easy, my labor was not.

The first time I noticed the contraction was on Tuesday midnight, before I went to sleep. I never experienced a contraction before, never even noticed the so called Braxton Hicks contraction. Every time my obgyn asked if I have had any tightening feeling in my belly that indicates false contraction during the last few check ups, I answered unsurely; maybe, I don't know. But that night, even tho the contraction started very lightly, I knew baby was coming.

I had all the documents and stuff I needed for the hospital, but I hadn't packed them into an intended hospital bag yet. My husband thought I was hysterical when I asked him to help me pack in the middle of the night. I told him we should've done it weeks before.

That night I could barely sleep. The pain wasn't too bad, but bad enough to wake me up every half an hour or so. I prayed that I won't have my baby in another day or two because my obgyn happened to still be in Dubai. She had a sub of course, incase of emergency, but I rather have my aunt deliver my baby.

Thankfully, the contractions dialed down during the day. I had them irregularly, ranging from half an hour to two hours. I messaged my obgyn to let her know. She told me as long as the baby movement is still good, the contractions still far apart, and my water hasn't broke, I shouldn't be worried and just go about my day. She also shared the good news that she's on the flight back home. 

Wednesday night, my mucus plug came out. I started tracking my contractions. They're getting more intense and closer. Each contraction lasted longer too. I tried to sleep in between contractions, but when it hit me, it hit me pretty hard. Only around 5 am my contractions became bearable and I got to sleep.

On Thursday evening me, my husband, and my father in law went to see my obgyn at her clinic, while still tracking my contractions. At that point, it became almost regular every 20-30 minutes. And every time, as always, I did the breathing technique that I've practiced many months prior to my labor. 4 seconds breathe in, 6 seconds breathe out. In, two, three, four, out, two, three, four, five, six.

During that check up, my aunt checked for dilation. Of all the pain I've experienced during pregnancy, cervical exam is the worst for me. And even worse, two days of contractions did nothing to my cervix. I was still 0 cm dilated. My aunt asked if I can still hold the pain, I said yes I will wait. I will wait till my cervix opens up and my baby's ready to come out.

So we went home.

Thursday night was a nightmare. The contractions were intense, 10-15 minutes apart, lasted for a minute each time. I didn't sleep at all. I was still hoping it will dial down in the morning like the day before, but it didn't. So at 7 in the morning, on the 18th of November, we decided to go to the hospital, praying I'm dilated enough for them to keep me there until I'm ready to push.

But that didn't happen. After another painful cervical exam, we found out I was only 2 cm dilated. 2 cm!

I was heartbroken. I heard many birth stories where they didn't even feel the contraction until they're much more dilated. Lots had their water break, and it sped up the dilation. I've been having contractions for days and yet I was only 2 cm dilated.

They did ECG to check if my baby is doing okay. He was. So I had the option to keep going and go home, or give up and opt for c-section. I chose to go home.

Realizing I haven't slept and will need energy to keep going, I tried to rest. It was hard with the contractions happening regularly and very painfully. I tried doing light exercises on yoga ball, and to be fair, it helped with the pain a lil bit. But by 7 p.m. I knew I couldn't wait longer. The contractions happened every 3 minutes. So for the second time that day, we went to the hospital.

Guess how much dilated I was when I got there? 2 cm.

Two freaking centimeters.

I was done. Physically drained, mentally exhausted. I cried, feeling like a failure. I've been active throughout my pregnancy, I ate dates at least 3 pieces a day, everyday, I did all kind of movements on the yoga ball that says will help open my pelvic. Yet there I was deciding for c-section. My aunt and my husband supported my decision, they also tried to console me by telling me I tried my best.

There's nothing wrong with c-section, of course. It's just that, I was so excited about giving birth vaginally. One, easy recovery, less complication. Two, I've seen so many positive birth videos. No doubt that the pushing part looks extremely painful, but the part where the baby come out, crying, and then they put the baby on their chest, that skin to skin, I want that. I want my husband to be by my side holding my hand.

But instead I was on a cold operating table under distressing bright light surrounded by strangers. I can't even remember seeing their face, I was in too much pain with my contractions happened every minute. For some reason they can't let my husband be in there. He had to wait outside with my dad, my sister, my brother, and my father in law. But at least I had my aunt with me holding my hand before cutting me open. I remember her telling me to rest knowing I haven't slept for two nights. I was in so much pain I didn't feel a thing when the anesthesiologist punctured my spine. He's supposed to numb only my lower half, but I was extremely tired I basically passed out.

Except the part where they pulled my baby out. That cry. The strongest cry I've ever heard in my life. Even with me passing out, not being able to open my eyes, I heard that cry.

November 18th, 2022, at 10.07 PM, Idris was born.

The immense relief, the joy, knowing he's fine, he's with us now, is nothing like I've ever felt before. They brought Idris to my face while the doctors putting my belly back together. I still couldn't open my eyes, but I could smell him. I remember asking why he smelled so good. I was wondering if they put something on him that made him smell that good.

"That's the smell of a newborn," one of the nurses answered. A newborn. My newborn.

Due to the surgery, I didn't get to see him until couple hours later. Another downside of c-section. I was alone, unable to move, unable to see, all drugged up in the recovery room. Only after midnight they took me out and I finally get to see my husband and my baby.

He came out perfect, not missing any finger. Perfect set of eyes, perfect little nose, perfect pair of lips, perfect, perfect, perfect. There's a video of a day old him munching his thumb looking clueless at this new world he's in. My heart melts every time I see him.

Right after the surgery was done, my aunt told my husband and my family that it was the right choice we opt for c-section. Idris was tangled up. We knew beforehand that he had nuchal cord situation around his neck, which doesn't warrant caesarean delivery, but only when she opened me up we found out it was wrapped around his body as well.

Was that the reason why my contractions were intense, dilation took too long, and baby wouldn't go down? I don't know. Maybe. I didn't ask. All that matters is that he arrived safely. It's nice to get confirmation that we made the right decision, but I don't want to ask for more detail. I don't want to know the what ifs.

So yeah, that's the story of my 67 hours of labor that ended up with surgery. If there's anything I learned from it is to manage expectation. Just because I stayed active throughout my pregnancy, do everything prepping for birth, it won't guarantee the outcome. Learn to let go of things that are out of our control. Vaginally or c-section, my baby is here and healthy is all that matters.

my love.